Why is this happening and why am I doing this to myself?

The question of whether grief and suffering are internally created or caused by external factors is complex and doesn't have a simple answer. Some people may feel like the pain raises from time shared with the one who's moved on and the memories they have of those moments. Others, often feel that the pain is enevitable because it is part of the invisible rope, the connection, that ties the two individuals together in spirit. So the answer is - It's likely a combination of both. In my contemplations I've come to understand how this is true. Please follow.

Internally created:

• Personal connection: The depth of grief and suffering often depends on the connection you had with the loved one. A close relationship leads to more profound emotional attachment, making the loss more impactful.
• Coping mechanisms: Individual differences in how we handle emotions and manage difficult situations play a role. Some people have better coping skills and resilience to deal with loss, while others are more susceptible to intense grief.
• Meaning-making: Finding meaning in the loss can influence the grieving process. Some individuals may struggle to find meaning, leading to increased suffering.

Externally caused:

• Nature of the loss: Accidental, unexpected deaths or violent losses can generate more profound and prolonged grief compared to expected deaths like terminal illness.
• Social support: Lack of adequate support from family and friends can exacerbate the grieving process and lead to increased suffering. Conversely, a strong support system can provide comfort and help navigate the emotional turmoil.
• Cultural expectations: Cultural norms and expectations surrounding death and grief can influence how someone expresses and experiences their emotions. This can involve societal pressures to "move on" quickly, leading to added stress and internal conflict.

Therefore, grief and suffering arise from a complex interplay of internal and external factors. While the loss itself is an external event, the experience of grief is shaped by both internal vulnerabilities and external circumstances.

It's important to remember that grief is a natural and healthy response to loss. There is no one "right" way to grieve, and the process can be messy, unpredictable, and take time. Allow yourself to experience the emotions without judgment and seek support from loved ones or professional help if needed.

Here are some resources that may be helpful:

• National Grief & Loss Network: https://mensgriefnetwork.org/about-us/
• The Dougy Center: https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources
• American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org/topics/grief

Although I continue to feel alone as I am truly in complete isolation right now, I want you to understand I am not alone and you need to know and remind yourself that you're not alone in this journey either. It's okay to reach out for help and take care of yourself during this difficult time. I'm not going to say you have to, but for you, you should because although I may not know you, I want you to be okay. I know that you hurt, but I hope you see that I wrote these words for you to know that you're not alone. I am with you in spirit and you can reach out to David's Dreamland and I will respond. Take care of yourself!